The Unhappy Woman’s Jargon Poem

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I do my due diligence 9-5 as chief cook and bottle washer
plus a bang for the buck if I’m up for it and not dragging ass.
His juju is such that first touch, he shoots, he scores, lifts the silverware then hits the sack while I’m left to Bill Murray and I’m insomniate.

My sweat equity’s out the wazoo so I sometimes go AWOL
and his bitchin’s shockley but I don’t take no sassitude –
I show him the red card and take an early bath
before I nutmeg his tackle.

IIRC my BFF has the same probs (obvs)
and when I give her a bell and her second half yells
while he’s lay in the cut with his FAQs
she hits back with FUs so I LOL
and say CYA, I CBA with his chunter. TTYL, TTFN
and I bust open a red and think, HTH.

***

I wrote this three years ago, to a prompt requiring the use of slang in ordinary life, and I have no idea what half of these words and phrases mean! I’m pretty sure some of them are already obsolete. Language really is a living, growing thing.