Constipation

For David M. Cosgriff, who inspired it

Turtle head
Turtle head
Peek out from your cosy bed

Change your mind
Stay home instead
Don’t torment me
Turtle head

***

From The Book of Pooetry. If you’re fairly new to this blog, read here for more details.

This video was filmed on location in my mate Sylvia’s bathroom.

Another Walk to School

Little Kitty’s heading for an athletic career:
Look, Mummy! I can jump over dog diarrhoea!

***

This was inspired by my friend’s daughter when she was three: the walk to school was paved with excrement so Kitty made a game of it before her mum could stop her.

This is from my The Book of Pooetry collection. Read more here.

A Note for my Husband…

Scribbled as I Left to Catch a Train

Dog did a poo
Please clean it up

And I love you

***

This poem from The Book of Pooetry is brought to you from the upstairs toilet in St Matthew’s Church House, Edgeley.

If you want to learn more about The Book of Pooetry (and why wouldn’t you?), click here.

A Nurse’s Promise Unfulfilled

(Written at 4:40 in the morning)

To my great glee
she promised me
luminous wee

I waited a long, long time
in the darkness to find
my urine did not shine

***

A true story. To be honest, all of the poems from The Book of Pooetry are inspired by true events. I mean, you couldn’t make it up, really, could you?

This poem was brought to you from the toilet of St Matthew’s Church, Edgeley.

The Body Beautiful

If the eyes are the window
to the soul,
the bum
must be the back door.

Learn more about The Book of Pooetry here; and maybe join in the fun yourself…

DO YOU RECOGNISE THIS TOILET? I’ve forgotten where I filmed it, so if it looks familiar to you, please let me know so I can give credit where it’s poo.

A Nutty Tale

I’m nuts about peanuts.
I love them, I do:
salted, dry roasted,
expensively toasted –
I’ll gobble them up
in a sitting or two.

But the drawback, alack,
the nut I can’t crack:
as I can attest
they do not digest.
When the guzzling’s done,
I know what’s to come:

I just have to have
a peanut poo.

With thanks to St Matthew’s Church House for the use of one of their toilets.

Read more here about The Book of Pooetry.

Time and Motion

And now to lower the tone – a surprise, I know, for you didn’t realise there was a higher tone on this blog.

This poem is part of a collection called The Book of Pooetry. For more information see the page. No horrible images, I promise.

Toilet courtesy of Absolute Hair, Edgeley.

And here’s the poem to read for yourself, if you couldn’t believe what you were hearing:

Time and Motion

I’m always here
On the loo.

Diarrhoea?
It’s déjà poo.